Thursday, October 14, 2010


Okay, now that I have fended off the Shapeshifter's attempts to ruin my golem for the 18th time this day, I supposes I will talk about something relevant to this month. One of my favorite things I've found in your pitiful world is this holiday you call Halloween.

 On our world we have a day that's sort of equivalent to your Halloween, which involves purging evil spirits from this world when the borders between realms are weakest, which gets very, very annoying when the evil spirits are in your employ. But here, you embrace the horror, embrace the terrible monsters, and even celebrate them with your costumes instead of using them to chase the demons away (It doesn't work in my realm, the demons there have seen far worse). I like that in a people, and I will make the entire month of October one long Halloween when I come to rule, skies darkened and beasts that go bump in the night rampaging across the land and skies, terrorizing the people, and I'm getting in one of my more "theatrical" moods now aren't I?

 Anyway, and so, it gave me great pleasure when the Sorceress mentioned that from her travails, she found that there are several Halloween stores in this town, and knowing this I managed to view these fine establishments. And so, I went to look for some items that I could enchant (due to the fact that the latent feelings surrounding this season enhances the magical potential of these items, more on that later), and was not disappointed. Here's my list of items that I have bought FOR MY QUEST FOR WORLD DOMINATION!

Random Plastic Crap- I generalize here because I consider these minor trinkets useful but not too important. Make no mistake though, I consider them very useful indeed. The little plastic rats/zombie-finger-puppets/little plastic skulls could be used as a swarm to choke my enemies to death with the right magic to get them moving. The plastic eyeballs will be used as rolling sentries (I would use the sticky eyeballs but the debris blocks my view), the slime could be animated and used to secretively deliver spells, and the monster fingers could be used as spell-blasting items (that one was the Sorceress' idea, Tzeench bless here). Of course, I'm still looking for more.

Sexy Costumes- I bought these for the Sorceress. She refused all of them. Dammit.

Fog Machine-This is the perfect thing to spew my "Spell of Confusion" from! Think about it, one minute you walk into the strange fog and BAM you're in a nightmare world where you can't tell friend from foe while I sneak over to the lever to open the trapdoor into the spike pit. Or I could make them think they're in a world of talking fish, chocolate houses and giant, angry chickens, mainly because it's really,really funny to watch. This will work particularly well because, the way the spell works, it has to have a medium to transfer through. Before this, I usually used a steam bellows, which got particularly annoying whenever some hero would always stab it and break it, which generally put the kibosh on whatever plans I was attempting that time. But given that this is a far smaller target, I have high confidence in it's success, although the Sorceress' still wants to put armor on it just in case. This is why I love her my filthy peons, she's always the one who patches up the holes in my plans, and makes the incoming defeat seem much less inevitable.

Foam Rubber Thingies- Kinda hard to explain, but basically they're those giant fakey spiders, zombie upper halves, demonic clown mannequins and all that other fancy decoration stuff that is way too expensive for its own good. I saw them, and I knew I had my perfect "backup plan" weapon if somebody (90% sure it's going to be the Shapeshifter) breaks my golem. I bought around four zombie torsos and one demonic clown mannequin, mainly because they were the creepiest and thus were more likely to attract "fear magic" to them to enhance their power (More on that later). Of course when I brought them home the Sorceress asked the question that I probably should have seen coming: "Don't they have rubber teeth too?". Crap. Note to self: Add some iron claws and jaws when I inevitably animate them.

Candy- No real world-domination reasons for this, I just think that you people have way better candy than my world. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get myself 2 giant bags of candy corn and Butterfingers and eat it all by myself. Well, maybe I'll share some with the Sorceress.

And if there's some stuff I've overlooked, tell me my dear readers, and I shall spend a bit more coin on it.

1 comment:

  1. I suggest buying more plastic trinkets since they can be bought nearly anywhere: grocery store vending machines, dollar stores, online, et cetera, usually quite cheaply.That said, I suggest looking into purchasing spider rings (many humans are terrified of spiders and yet sell bags of 50-100+ spider rings for a few dollars) and noisemakers (these things quickly annoy humans; enough of them and they're effectively area denial weapons).