Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Behold, filthy peons! My technology golem is finally complete! With it I will crush the world under my hob-nailed boot and take to my neon Vegas throne! It is bristling with all the finest magically enhanced weaponry Goodwill and the Swap Meet can provide! It has blenders enchanted to shred skin from a distance, laser pointers enhanced to form a beam capable of cutting through pure steel, armor made of the finest steel-plating and two whirring chainsaw arms I will use this as a weapon to conquer nations! Or at least a few cities before it gets blown to bits.

But... I think I fucked up on something thing. In testing it yesterday, I have a flaw: it is slow. Very slow. Slow as fucking molasses! I really don't get why, the spell was supposed to taken care of it, it should have accounted for the weight! Either it was the shapeshifter fucking things up AGAIN, I made it too heavy for even the spell to account for (Maybe I shouldn't have added that extra chainsaw), or maybe I should stop buying my spells from demons (they're cheap, but they will always, ALWAYS rip you off). Ah well, it will still work for my purposes, that is of starting my glorious journey towards CONQUERING THE WORLD!


Crap. I just realized something. If I try and conquer this world overtly, your police forces and armies are going to try and strike back, and probably crush me under their heel. And I don't have the resources to keep this going when they come. I'm going to have to think of a plan to build up my power in secret before I overtly start my attack. PEONS! Your suggestions would be invaluable to me at this time, give them to me in the comments. Right now, I'm gonna talk it over with the Sorceress

1 comment:

  1. For starters, buy a warehouse or something to keep your golem. People are liable to call the police on you if you leave it in sight, so a warehouse would be a good place to hide it away from prying eyes until use.
    As far as actual plans, are you particularly skilled in necromancy (besides the creation of liches)? The heavily populated areas likely have many bodies to make into skeleton warriors, zombies, or whatever. (I suggest skeletons, simply because they don't seem to moan or smell nearly as bad, and thus are easier to hide.)