Well my filthy peons, I have been lazy over this past week and not updated at all. I'd like to say it was due to scheming and writing out plans, and enchanting my weapons and automatons for my glorious crusade for WORLD DOMINATION! I'd like to say that, but then I'd be lying. I've mostly spent this week watching nonsense on You Tube and traipesing about town in my car.
Yes, I did finally get a car. I got my license recently, due in no small part to bribery, magic, and the fact that when you're a lich, it's kind of a required job skill to be a good learner so that you don't turn into a pile of bones on the ground when performing the ritual. I bought a Pinto from some little rinky-dink used car lot from some fellow from south of the border with a mustache big enough to choke a beholder. It looks like it's made of fifty percent rust and smells heavily of urine, which I still cannot get out. I have done a little bit of magic on it to try and make it less terrible, making the engine run better, making it look better with judicious use of Shape Metal , and attempting (and failing) to get the smell of urine out. The Ur-Elemental is excited about it because apparently it has some sort of connection with elemental fire.
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention him. His research is showing some decent results. When he came to me in giddy glee with a firey smile splitting his "face" (if you can call it that) in twain, I was worried. Because, he has two modes: stoic and mysterious and giddy as a kid on Christmas day. When he's in "giddy mode" the results are either A) Incredibly useful, or B) incredibly painful, and I've been on the losing end of that roulette wheel enough times to be very afraid. So, I walked in, took a look, and... well, there was jack all in there I could see, other than the usual elemental maelstrom. At least until he pointed it out to me. It was little man, "feet" clacking about on the churning stone/air mix he called a table. It was pure black, and I soon learned it was graphite after it had drawn several uncomfortably detailed pictures of phalluses on my skull. Of course, he also drew the Mona Lisa in miniature there too. Elementals are weird. Anyway, he said that apparently graphite is made up of purely what you peons call "carbon", and thus the little creature shows that you apparently can make elementals out of the substances you call "elements" (again, how in the name of Tzeench is gold or copper anything close to an element?!).
I'd be annoyed with this given his unmitigated glee at the stupid little thing and the many pictures of phalluses I had to wash off my skull, but there does seem to be that there could be far more useful applications for research than the tiny graphite things, so I'm not too mad. Also, I hear that diamond in made entirely out of the same element as graphite, so If i can ever get enough gold back from my home maybe we can have A DIAMOND ELEMENTAL!. Again, I ask you, how in the name of Bocob does that work?!
Anyway, there's another reason for why I haven't updated sooner, and it all has to do with one of your Day of the Dead parades gone horribly wrong. I'd elaborate, but I hear my gang at the door, so I will have to speak of this later. Adieu!
If you have not already done so since the time of this post, good sir, you would do well to research the creation of a diamond elemental. Being one of the hardest known materials around, such a being made of such matter would do well in your conquest of our planet.
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