Friday, November 12, 2010

Okay, I lied about the tomorrow thing.


Anyway, on that parade that went straight to hell. you see, I had heard from The Sorceress that there was a Day of the Dead parade going on in this town. Apparently this is a holy day for the people below your southern borders. I really don't get how a holiday with lots of skulls that mocks death isn't itching for some necromancer to make it into a "day I release the zombie hordes upon the world" say, but then there you go. I had also heard that every second saturday of every month, like this coming one, there was a huge event where the people would go downtown to browse and carouse the city, and downtown is also where said Day of the Dead parade happened to be.

So I went there in that little rust-heap of a car and cavorted about. It started out fantastic, I let out my schpiel, backstory, rants about world conquest, the usual sort of thing, though my rotten vocal cords gave out after the first twenty minutes and I had to pick a few pockets clean of water-flasks to keep them from snapping in two. It takes forever to repair them when they've cut clean through. To those of you from that event who are reading this blog I AM NOT SORRY! BEING EVIL MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY! But, I am surprised at how friendly you people were towards my ravings and rantings. Although some of them were probably mocking me. No matter, I'll know that day when I conquer this puny little town!

Anyway, it all went well until I got to the end. I mushed through the hordes of people, plodded through the sea of dropped trash and filth back to the car, only to find that, surprise of unpleasant surprises, it was gone. Well, I figured, I had a fleck of rust from it to scry on it through the looking glass, it shouldn't be too much trouble to find it. But, the walk back to the house was 15 blocks. And I had prepared no spells.   This is the point where I started to feel very, very peeved. I was, in order of occurence, peed on by a hobo, almost run over SEVERAL times by a roving band of drunkards, accosted by a gang of youths wearing pants far too loose to be reasonable (they are very lucky that I did not have the spell Summon Bear Horde on me), and chased all the way home by a horde of stray cats. I swear, those bastards can be mean. I should know, I've seen them kill a minion or two.

And the worst part of it is, I felt scared for the first time in a long while since I've been undead. I know that thanks to the enchantments on my phylactery, if I die I'll just reappear in the same spot after a few day. But, something about this night reminded me of the days when I was just a wee orphan, scrounging through trash-baskets on the streets in the cold, moon-haunted night, trying to stay out of sight of the roving gangs on the streets willing to cut a boy's gut open just for thrills. And it is with that fear that I decided that yes, I would go to that Second Saturday, and I would take downtown as my first place to conquer, at least to banish the memories away from my mind.

Anyway ,as i got home, do you know what i saw in the driveway. MY! FUCKING! CAR! The Sorceress told me the whole story from what she could gather. Basically, it turns out that the Shapeshifter had stowed away in my car, and had brought it back to the house. As she spoke, I heard the sound of a distinct giggling with glee right in the closet of the room. You can imagine my reaction at that moment, my reaction being that I STRANGLED THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF HIM YAHA! NOT SO SMART NOW, ARE YOU YOU FUCKING TWIT! Yeah. I know he has no real neckhole, but that still felt damn good.

Oh, and on the visit from the new gang, it went actually surprisingly well. Sure, they made a mess out of the place, but less so than I expected, and they actually interacted very well with everyone. They didn't act too much like aphrodisiac-addled apes at The Sorceress (Though it helped that she said she knew the spell Infinite Loop of Castration), and they showed a gleeful, albeit somewhat immature, curiosity towards the Ur-Elemental, likewise with him and their guns (He said something about the possible applications, I just nodded and pretended to understand what he was getting at. They hit it off surprisingly well with the other lesser minions, though surprisingly enough it was the Drow they got along best with. Probably because they didn't know he was trying to manipulate them, but you take what you can get. And we agreed on one thing: On Saturday, we strike Downtown.

Until then my filthy peons, until then.

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