Friday, December 3, 2010

On Gods

Well my filthy peons, on the issue of the next place to attack, I am deciding to wait until the 4th Avenue Street Fair to attack 4th Avenue, due to the fear it has struck in the hearts of men. Only trouble is, I don't know where to attack. I thought about the Wal-Mart, mainly as a source of rations and ammunition, but the aura of evil around the place makes me woozy. And I have far too much class to attack K-Mart. So, I'm still undecided on that.

But that's not what we're here to talk about today. Were' here to talk about wicked Gods, and my experiences thereof. Now, I am not much of a theist, given that I can't step within fifty feet of a church without bursting into flame, but I have found that the wickeder gods are useful for allying with. So, here are my experiences with the darker gods. As you'll notice, my gods bear a striking similarity to the gods of your roleplaying games. I really don't understand how that came to be, but it's easy for reference. 

Lolth- Working with Lolth's followers is like screaming to the heavens "HEY! I AM AN IDIOT WHO DESERVES TO BE LYING DEAD WITH A KNIFE IN MY BACK IN SOME GOD FORSAKEN CORNER OF THE UNDERDARK!" Plus, I hate spiders. Next!

Zehir. Same as with Lolth, except with the addendum of Number 34 of the Evil Overlord List "I will not turn into a snake. It never helps".


Khorne- What I like about his followers is that they are very, very easy to manipulate. You just scream "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" and they kill whatever you want them too. Sadly, I had to leave them be (And by that I mean run screaming away) when they discovered that I used magic and decided that my head would look very fetching on their master's skull throne

Slaanesh- THOSE SEX STAINS WILL NEVER COME OUT OF MY CARPET! Pass on worshipping her/him/it.

Tzeench- The trouble with him is that he and his followers are always scheming. which is admirable when you're planning a scheme with him but not so much when you're chatting with a cultist. One minute you're sipping on a cup of tea with them ,the next you wake up in a cauldron of ice with a kidney missing. Joke's on them, as I don't even have a kidney anymore. Although, they are a good way to get rid of minions you hate and make yourself a new regimen of horrible-blob-things all at once. 

Nurgle- Doesn't count, too "touchy-feely" for my taste. And plus, what he sees as "glorious gifts of plague and rot", I see as "potential for having one's own side start crapping out their own intestines"

That's all I can come up with now. Maybe I'll speak of some more later, especially Tiamat. Dear god, the stories I have to tell about her. Right now I'm hearing the sorceress talking about something phone-wise with my gang. And whatever it is, it sounds very ominous.

1 comment:

  1. On the question of how your deities appear to be gods from our roleplaying games, there are a few possibilities.
    The first is The Many-Worlds-One-Creation idea: our authors, while trying to create something new, tap into the basic creative urge of existence and get psychic after-images of your world.
    The second is similar, the Author-As-God idea, and assumes that, in the process of tapping into that basic creative urge, rather than simply viewing other worlds, create them in the first place. Of course, this puts the authors in question into the position of real power...
    The third is the Recursion theory, which would have neither world being independently arisen, with the authors viewing some things and creating others fresh, and your world is both affected by authorial whim and capable of self-sustaining existence.