Monday, December 20, 2010

Things as they stand now

Well, I have come up with my latest brilliant scheme for conquest! You see, there are several chain stores around this town, ones that I wish to acquire. The trouble I face is that I really, really don't want to get under the watchful eye of their barristers or, in the case of Wal-Mart, the horrible eldritch monster pulling the strings. So I have come up with a plan with a bit more subtlety than I normally use. I will strike one of these stores, probably the near Park Mall due to its heavy amount of stuff, stealing everything into several bags of holding I have prepared. I will probably have to bring several of my thugs for the other bags, and the shapeshifter to help. The later is due to the fact that he refuses to shut up about wanting to go, and sewing his lips together doesn't work

 I have gotten the idea from your program about this "Grinch" fellow stealing Christmas (Apparently the name for this solstice holiday of yours), an effort which I surely applaud. Except for the part about the reforming and his heart growing three sizes that day. Of course, this should trouble me little given that my heart is a lump of charred meat filled with black magic and hate. Sure as fuck beats getting inspiration from the other christmas specials. You're the fucking personifications of elemental ice and fire, just kill them instead of singing your stupid little rinky-dink showtunes!

The dog is fine, and seems to be recovering as well. He is one of the few animals that I have met that does not despise my existence. It gets very annoying after a while to go through a stroll through the woods, and end with several wolves jaw-clamped on you like a fur coat of biting and pain (Dear Kyuss I need to make that into a magic item), so this is a good development. He seems to enjoy my company especially, and is currently licking my hand, which is especially odd given that I have made even Otyughs (For those of you don't know, think a trash-eating tentacled sewer-dwelling crocodile) pass out from just a lick of my phalange. Oh well,

Anyway, though he is one of the few creatures in the world that hates the Shapeshifter as much as I do, a fact which I applaud, he will make a poor guard dog, given his lack of stature and the fact that the little thing seems to suck all of the dignity in a room just by abiding there. It's like having a little clown traipsing through the room and climbing on my shoulder like a fat little parrot every time I try to make a speech to the minions in my basement. However, this hasn't discouraged me from trying to use him. I'll just have to try and find a way to create a magical weapon powered by irrational exuberance.

Well, next time I will tell you of the tale of Tiamat and the Ur-Elemental, and a bit on the Trogre himself, but until then my filthy peons, adieu!

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